i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
