I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
