Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
