Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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