So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
