i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
