you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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