He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
