Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
