Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
