He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
