He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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