this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
