dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
