You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Even my vagina gasped.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
