i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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