After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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