She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We don't watch enough power rangers
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
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