4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
