I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
