pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
