Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have already put on my inside pants.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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