she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I want to be your penis for a week.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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