She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
