i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
