Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
