I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
