What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
