The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
