new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
