I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
