Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
