yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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