Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
