the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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