Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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