SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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