I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
