You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
