Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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