Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
