OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
