If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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