dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
