Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
