It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
