He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
