look no pants
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
