No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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