I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
