sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
