I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it hurts more in the daytime
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
