you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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