I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
