My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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