He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
